The Sound of Silence

     During this past Lenten season, I decided I would add meditation practices to my prayer life. This is not an easy task for someone who admittedly falls asleep while praying at night. I never get to the part where I can be quiet, clear my mind, and potentially hear God's voice. In fact, the only time I have been able to get any prayer in at all is at night because I'm so stressed and wound up during the day. I honestly believe that most times it's hard for me to just sit down, shut up, and just be at peace for five or ten minutes. Way too much going on for that!

     It happened once during the forty days. Once. One time I was able to stay awake, be still, and listen. This was momentous for me and I really wanted to try again. A couple of weeks ago, I was determined to do it again...

     ...and I did it! I was completely able to stay awake, tune everything out, and listen for God's voice.

     The funny thing was I didn't quite understand what I believe I was hearing in those moments. "Take care of your health; take care of yourself..." What? I mean, I was asking for guidance about work mostly when I prayed as of late. I have gotten really frustrated there and everything seems to make me immediately erupt into anger or tears or both, and I needed help....but health? Okay, I guess that kind of stress isn't good for your health, but how do I deal with the stress to help my health? I snuggled down into my comforter, deciding not to think about it anymore, and went to sleep.

     The next morning those words would become very, very, clear to me. While I was walking my dog, a neighbors dog had gotten out and started chasing us. Trying to get away I tripped and fell breaking my wrist. Thankfully, the dog was ultimately friendly, or this may have been a whole different post, but its hard to tell at 6:45 in the morning in the dark whether its just Lassie or its Cujo after you. I picked up Kobi's leash, who had gone to sniff the Japanese Boxwoods after also seeing the dog was no threat, and hurried us inside.

     I wasn't even thinking of my work issues as Eric, yanked out of his shower while having only washed his face, took me to the Emergency Room. My blood pressure was surprisingly spot on for the pain I was in and would continue to be the next several times it was taken over the next few days. Eric and I would laugh every time a cuff came out as if we should bet on the number like you would at a Vegas roulette table. At some point I did contact work letting them know what happened, but I was far from concerned about anything going on there. It was probably the least concerned I'd been about work in eight months. Why couldn't I have had this feeling of "separation" previously without breaking my wrist to do so?

     The next day I went to the Orthopedist. He took one look at my X-Rays and said, "They did tell you you were gonna have to have surgery, right?" Um...no...sneaky ER doctors...now I was terrified. I would have surgery in two days. I have NEVER had surgery. I have only heard horror stories about surgery. You know, the operating on the wrong side, waking up during the procedure, not even walking up at all...I was a mess...

     ...and I was still definitely not thinking of work...at all...except for logging in to put in for personal time off.

     Meanwhile Eric had been a total trooper through all of this. He has essentially been my left hand and the best example of keeping the wedding vow "in sickness" I have ever seen. You know, if I think about it, recently I would grieve for my time not spent at work each weekend, knowing I would just have to go back to the miserable situation in a few days in stead of being present in my mind and in the day with Eric. I found myself wishing I had lived more in the moment and desperately trying to explain to this wonderful man how much I loved him and wishing I had not been so self-absorbed. If I had just let the work issues go for two days a week...

     ...Just then I heard the scariest six words I've ever heard in my life... "We're taking you to the O.R. now." A big "crocodile" tear ran down my face.

     No one could have been happier to see Eric more than I was in recovery. If I was a dog, there would have been uncontrollable tail wagging. I was going home, with my husband, and two days of PTO! I could just relax. Heal. Decompress. That's what I thought at least....

     The day after my surgery, a few situations at work got so messed up, that I felt the need to work even though I was so tired and drained from surgery. I was going to work from home the next week, but it just couldn't wait. A customer was getting more and more upset by the minute, I always say, when there is a lack of training at a place of business, "what if I get hit by a bus?" This was the closest I've ever come to that particular scenario...

     ...If I've raised that question before, how do I keep ending up here? Things have to change. Is it me, though? Is it them? Is it both of us? Isn't this what I was praying about and meditating on when I heard, "Take care of your health; take care of yourself?"

     I sat outside on the back patio mid-afternoon yesterday. I heard that about ten minutes of sun a day was good for bruising as I have a good amount of it from the fall and from surgery. A gentle wind was blowing as I settled into my deck chair and watched the willow in the backyard sway back and forth. It was nearly hypnotic and I found myself relaxed, mind clear, and open to possibilities for the problems that have plagued me off and on through my working life. I allowed many thoughts, many whispers from God, none of them forced, to enter my consciousness.

     I have work to do, and while i am not completely responsible for the situations I find myself in, I am finding I have more latitude to control what I can control, and have the grace to accept what I cannot. The most important thing is, after trying so hard for forty days to do it, I have finally figured out, when I need, how to settle down, be still, and be wonderfully and openly receptive. I just need to remember to do it and often. No, wait, not often...every day....

     I don't know if they meant it this way, but an old song by Simon and Garfunkel kept coming to mind during this time:

"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted
In my brain still remains
Within the sound of silence"

     I realized that by taking care of my health, I was learning to take care of myself. I have also learned to enjoy the sound of silence.


Happy Fishing!

--Red

PS - I feel that meditation is a valuable practice to gain clarity no matter what you believe on a religious/spiritual level. I do believe that's how I hear God's voice, at the same time, no matter who you are, if you don't sit down and clear your head once in awhile, you won't even hear your own true voice. So, I wanted to write a brief note to encourage everyone to spend some time in silence and reflection whenever you can. Ask yourself seriously how can you think clearly with so much noise all around you? Take some time to be still today!

Airplanes, and Elevators, and Migraines, Oh My!

     When we got out second dog, Kobi, our first dog, Dali, used him as somewhat of a coping mechanism.  She was terrified of most situations outside of the home and even had a hard time letting anyone touch her except for Eric and me.  One of the trainers at the kennel we would take them to when we would go out of town would always say, "You need to send Dali her by herself..." As a dog trainer I knew that was because they wanted to teach Dali to cope on her own.

     Seems she wasn't the only one that needed help in that area.

     I would never typically describe Eric and My's relationship as "co-dependant," but I have to say, and I'm not proud of this, is that for years I have used him as a coping mechanism just like Dali used Kobi.  Anything I feared I did with him and would certainly never do without him.  That option came to a screeching halt last week.  I had to travel to California on business.  Accountants don't travel as a rule unless you are an auditor, then that's a whole different enchilada, but typically your scope is right there in your cube.  I wasn't an accountant anymore, though, I'm now in Sales.  Salespeople travel....and Eric can't go with me.

     You are probably aware from my series last year on fear that there are some key things I'm afraid of, you know, besides sharks.   You may have gathered that I am afraid of flying and elevators, but what you may not have gathered is that I'm afraid of getting sick, particular having the kind of migraine that can send you to the hospital like I did a year and a half ago without Eric being there.  Doing this was completely not going to be easy at all and, I'll be honest, I did a lot of private crying and praying because I was having such a hard time with it all.  I shut down sometimes like I imagine Dali would have if we ever had sent her to the kennel alone all those years.

     Then the day came.  I had to go.  I kissed my husband and dog goodbye and cried halfway to the airport.  I was mad that other people my age didn't have these issues.  In my mind I was marching to my certain death, but no one else seemed to feel that way.  That or they were really good at hiding it.  I couldn't be the only one afraid of flying, could I?  I actually scheduled three of my co-workers, who were also going out there, on the same flight.  I couldn't be a blubbering mess in front of my co-workers.  I'll admit it; potential shame is an awesome fear killer.  It helps as well these people were funny and jokers, and faked screamed and shook my seat as we took off in order to make me laugh.

    Did I just use them to cope, too, like I do my husband?  I mean, Dali would be nice to anybody while staying at their house, then the minute Eric and I would be in the picture, she would turn around and nip them.  True story.  She was survivor.  Only problem was she didn't understand that she didn't need to do that.  She was going to be taken care of and not ever hurt by the person who's house she was staying at.  The only people she ever trusted completely not to hurt her were Eric and myself.  That fear was so ingrained in her very being, she just couldn't see past it...

   ...Oh my God...once again...I was the Bulldog.

   So, honestly, here is what I did before I was even seated, waiting to take off with my co-workers.  When I say this, know I don't care of what faith you are, or aren't, but it helps to have some kind of belief system, even if it's a tremendous faith in yourself, to get beyond a fear this deep.  For me, I prayed until I understood and felt that God was with me and I would be fine.  That took a tremendous amount of praying until I really felt His presence in my gut as if no one could hurt me.  Not this time.  Not this trip.  I don't think I could have gotten to that place if I didn't take the time to be with the issue, process it, roll it over in my mind, then really give it to someone higher than myself.  I wrestled with it for days before I left and somewhere in the airport, before I got on that plane, I made a peace with it.  I declared it done.  Over with.  I made a serious "leap of faith."

     I just knew I was going to be okay.  I weathered take-offs, turbulence, hotel elevators (all alone by myself I might add), and didn't get a single migraine.  I not only made it home okay, but I had a great time out in California.  I'll tell you what though, I hugged Kobi when I got home like I never had before.  I think I was trying to tell him I was sorry for everything with Dali.  The stress it must have been on him to take care of such a fearful companion...

     .....Go on, "Bubba," and relax.  Yours and "Daddy's" work are done.

Happy Fishing!

--Red

    

    

"...Had just settled down for a long winter's nap..."

     There is this Christmas cartoon that I try to catch every year if I can find it on called "Twas the Night Before Christmas."  It's based on the the famous poem, of course, but the story involves a clock maker, Joshua Trundle, his family, and the family of mice, who incidentally can talk, that live in his house.  One of the mice children wrote a letter to Santa Claus that said that he was a fraud, Santa gets mad, and they all have to figure out how to make Santa happy again. Long story short they write Santa a song that is supposed to play though the town square clock at midnight, but they had problems making it work, so on Christmas Eve they give up hope and just go to bed...

     ...That's what I did this Christmas.

     After my last post, I realized I had some serious going overs and getting pasts to do. I had four full days, starting on December 22nd, to really think about an immensely hard 2012 through which I had, just like Joshua Trundle...and the mice, given up hope. The cartoon actually ends with Joshua reciting the "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" while Santa arrives because one of the mouse children fixes the clock and it plays the song and Santa is happy again. My husband Eric always loves the part when it says, "...had just settled down for a long winter's nap."

     Eric just really enjoys a good nap. I started to wonder when, on the weekends, I had stopped napping...

     I used to look at weekends as a time to relax, but somewhere over the last five years, I started looking at weekends as extra time to get a long list of "To-Dos" done. I had completely over scheduled my life and by the time I realized it, I was already too deep. It's taken the better part of the last six months to try and dig out of some of the responsibilities and over committing I've done.

     I have a theory about over scheduled people. They are so because they don't want down time. They don't want down time because that's when you have time to process the things that happen in your life. The only reason you don't want to process the things that happen in your life is they are just too painful. It's more than just a theory, I guess, because truly that was me. By the time I figured out I wanted to deal with everything I'd been avoiding, I couldn't find the down time to do just that. So somewhere around May, I started shedding activities.

     The problem I then had was while I was busy processing long time pains and issues, 2012 was doing its worse. I'm not going to say I had a totally bad year, because there were some truly awesome things and I came a long way as a person, but while still figuring out what had happened in my past, present day unpleasantness just kept coming. I almost feel as if the more sound person I had become was being tested and I honestly can't say that I didn't feel like waving the white flag in surrender...

     ...so I settled down for a long winter's nap. I'm not saying I spent the whole four days in bed, it was Christmas after all; there are lights to see and dinners to be had! I did, however, take as many opportunities as I needed to be alone. I took as many opportunities as I needed to think. As many as I needed to cry.

     I had a surprising burst of tears and emotion Christmas Eve. To be honest, I wanted to be done processing so badly that I kind of shut it off the night before, but I got hit unexpectedly by a situation that had been part of everything wrong over the last year, so I went off to take yet another "nap." I remember as I sat there, tears uncontrollably streaming, that I was also praying. I remember saying, "You have to show me something tonight. I need to see it." What I needed to see so badly was the hope I hadn't been feeling a whole lot of lately. I needed to see the Holy Spirit that can only be found within creation.

     Going to church on Christmas Eve has always been a part of my life since I was a small child. I always found it to be a special, full of light in the world, and peace for all people gathering. As you can guess, I wasn't really feeling it this year, but it was tradition, so I got myself ready. I used to be a door greeter before I taught classes at church, and found myself back in my "old job" this particular evening. So, I bet you're thinking, wow, here is the unhappiest person in the world on Christmas Eve, and now she's working the door? I know...yeah... I was thinking that too!

     There is something to be said for immersing yourself in humanity when you feel at your lowest. I had stripped it all away. I had allowed myself to feel the pain of the tremendous loss that has occurred in my life over the last seven months. In the end, I showered, got dressed, and limped spiritually into church searching for a Christmas miracle.  As it turned, I would also be the only person who volunteered to work the door.

     Not only did I learn how to say, "Merry Christmas" in probably an estimated seven different ways, but I received something completely priceless that night. I received "thank you" and other kindnesses from strangers. I received hugs from friends I hadn't seen in awhile as, well, I suppose we've all been stretched thin by every day life. The best thing I received though was seeing faces, sad and lacking the hope that should be shining in their eyes on a Christmas Eve night, brighten when I would ask how they were this evening or say, "Merry Christmas." It was hope. It was a small, but very significant glimmer of hope...

     ...Suddenly, I felt like I was shown what I asked for earlier that day.

     I have been so much more at peace after that night. I'm not completely done sorting everything out, but I am on the mend. One thing for sure, and maybe this is a sort of New Year's Resolution, is that every weekend, no matter what, I'm going to try to take a "nap..."

     ...a long winter's nap...oh yeah...I definitely see more of those in my future for this coming year...

'Twas the night before New Years, and all through this place
No more will be processed, no more need for space.
The problems of last year are still in my sight,
But I have new hope that will get me through nights.

I understand what's needed, I'll take more time to think.
I won't carry around hurts 'til my heart starts to sink.
So me in my snuggie, and iPad in lap,
Promise to settle down for many more "naps."

While grabbing the starfish, there will be ups and downs.
I'll share them here with you, we are all "ocean" bound!
So, here are my wishes, huge smile as I write.
"HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

Happy Fishing!!

--Red

Beachcombing 10/9/2012

Here are my good reads of the week!  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Beachcombing 10/9/2012

Is Ambition a Sin? - Rachel Held Evans blog - I've wrestled a lot with this topic.  Read it; you'll feel better.  You can be a Christian and ambitious.

How Does American Culture Influence Christianity? -  storlineblog.com by Donald Miller - Okay now after you've read the one above, read this one, then try to fit them together.  It's an interesting exercise on how to find the same meaning but said different ways.

The Deception of Urgency - storlineblog.com by Donald Miller - Another good one from Mr. Miller this week!  "Is being frantic really the best way to be productive?"  I used to think so...


...and this one I found very essential to grabbing the starfish....

Happy Fishing!

--Red

Beachcoming - 10/2/2012

     Here are my "good reads" of the week.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Beachcombing - 10/2/2012

Hell: Yeah, I'm Going There - or - Hell yeah, I'm going There - thegodarticle.com blog - An interesting and informative post on the Greek translation of the very few times "Hell" appears in the Bible...or does it really ever.

Why You Should Have a No Drama Policy - storlineblog.com by Donald Miller -  Shouldn't everyone?  Maybe first before we can have no drama in our lives, we need to admit we may create some of it ourselves.  I took the pledge; will you?

(More) scattered Thoughts on My Life in the Christian Industry - Rachel Held Evans blog -  I thought this blog would be like the one I posted last week from the guy in Jars Of Clay, but it turned out to be more about trying to find rest in a demanding profession.  Since I am fond of searching for the Sabbath, I liked this one a lot.

What Sin Is. And Is Not. - Tell me why the world is weird blog -  Think you know what sin is?  Think again.....


And because I've been feeling a lot like this lately...more on that in the next blog.

Happy Fishing!


--Red

Beachcombing 9/25/2012

     Here are my "good reads" for the week!  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Beachcombing - 9/25/2012

Progressive Christianity Isn't Progressive Politics! - Patheos.com blog by Roger Wolsey - Finally!  Someone who described how I feel!  As a Libertarian in a Christian Left, Democrat, Evangelical, Republican world, a girl can get awful lonely.  I thin this best described where I am religiously and politically.

The 5 Steps to Writing a Book - Storylineblog.com blog by Donald Miller - Whether you are writing a book, otherwise creative, or even not creative at all, this blog was really funny!  I related on so many levels.  If you have ever experienced a degree of frustration with any project, this is worth the read!

Sneaking Into Worship - Adorate.org blog - Maybe all these contemporary worship services aren't working to bring people in as well as we think they are?  I lead a group of young adults that actually like more traditional services, and yet our contemporary service seems to be the service that is growing the most, so this was of great interest to me.  I wonder what we may be missing as a church eventually.

Fed Up with “The Church”? Try a Different One (Maybe Even in the Mainline!) - Patheos.com blog by Ellen Painter Dollar - So many I know are "unchurched" and what I would say is try again.  There is a church home out there.  Not any one church will be perfect, as we are not perfect human beings, but keeping that in mind, there is a place for all of us.

 

And in case anyone was wondering (and took the same quiz on Facebook).... 

 

 

 

Happy Fishing!

--Red

 

 

Beachcombing - 9/18/2012

     I decided to change the name of my "good reads" blog due to some spam I was getting.  I also decided to wait half a week before posting the next one for the same reason.  So here we are!  My "good reads" for the week.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Beachcombing - 9/18/2012


An Unfinished Record; An Uncharted Path - Dan Haseltine blog (from the band Jars of Clay) - I really liked this as someone who has expressed their view on music labeled exclusively "Christian".  It's a great look at the struggles that can be created for the actual artist when music is labelled this way.

10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago - Marc and Angel Hack Life blog - All I can say is Amen!  this was was extremely poignant for me and current issues I'm facing.


Who Taught You To Fear - storyline blog by Donald Miller - How fear gets taught to all of us through the eyes of his dog Lucy.  As a former dog trainer, I completely get this.


And well...just because it's true...

 

 

Happy Fishing!

 

--Red

Deep Sea Fishing 9/6/2012

Here are my "good reads" of the week! Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!


Deep Sea Fishing 9/6/2012

It would have happened anyway - Tell me why the world is weird blog - Ever think that parking place you happened to snag was divine intervention?  Think again...and dont' forget to be thankful for the good things that do happen along the way!

Confessions of an accidental feminist - Rachel Held Evans blog - This was interesting to me because I tend to walk the fine line between feminist and not really being one.  Rachel draws a clear distinction I think between being assumed a feminist and actually just following Jesus' directives.


And since I think the best thing about dog training was the dogs...

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Fishing!

 

--Red

Deep Sea Fishing - 8/30/2012

Here are my "good reads" of the week! Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Deep Sea Fishing - 8/30/2012

 Lance Armstrong and the USADA - When A Cancer Hero Decides To Stop Fighting -  
johilder.com blog - This is a hot topic where I live, Austin, TX and many people are "armchair quarterbacking" it as to why Lance Armstrong really gave up his fight.  Me?  I'll wait for the proverbial "smoking gun" if there is one, but I thought this blog was interesting as it's from the perspective of a cancer survivor about the possible perspective about another cancer survivor.  If you think about it, sickness or not, haven't you ever just felt so tired that you just wanted to stop fighting a ridiculous allegation, rumor, etc?  Ever felt secure enough in your self and who you are just to let that go?

We will need your help to change the world - donaldmilleris.com blog - One of my favorite authors, Donald Miller, releases a new book September 6th, but this new offering is so much more than that.  Want in on the revolution?  Want to "grab that starfish"?  Go over to Donald Miller's blog and see how to become involved in Storyline 2.0.

Sodom and Gomorrah Revisited:  A sermon on reading the Bible with the eyes of love - jimrigby.org blog - I always maintained that the Sodom and Gomorrah story was about the dangers of disrespecting people and not what everyone has come to think it means. I was comforted that I wasn't alone in my assertion.

iSideWith.com  - Okay, maybe not a blog, but a pretty simple questionnaire that tells you which presidential candidate's views are closest to yours. I completely recommend this and was pretty happy with the results.  They were spot on for my beliefs; give it a try!

And you know...since the presidential election is coming up...  Anyone as tired of the rhetoric on Facebook as I am?

Happy Fishing!

--Red

Deep Sea Fishing - 8/23/2012

Here are my "good reads" of the week! Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Deep Sea Fishing - 8/23/2012

Far Too Little Sabbath in Sabbath - Huffington Port Religion blog by Mark Sandlin  - When going to church becomes a chore, there is nothing restful about it.  While I have communicated my own ideas about how to "Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy," this is a great post about how to go about Church as a place our sabbath rest, why that is important, and "can the institutionalized Church shake itself free of the dogma and structures which bind it long enough to experience Sabbath in a more sabbath full way."

What’s So Threatening About a Changed-Mind? (Resisting the Term “Flip-Flopper”) - Melissa Jena blog - I always wondered why we as a people desperately want people to change and then when they do, we find something wrong with that.  Very thought provoking blog about finding the value on others' experiences and welcoming changes of thought.

What If Jesus Meant All that Stuff?  - Esquire.com blog by Shane Claiborne If Jesus really meant to love our neighbor and that's all that was important, a lot of people may be in trouble.  Posted by a friend of mind on Facebook, I found it very life (and starfish grabbing) affirming!

Thou Shalt Not Have a Potty Mouth; Does God hate swearing? - Slate.com article by Brian Palmer - Let me first explain that I think "swear words" are completely deemed as such by man, so I found this article very interesting.  I feel that any biblical reference to being profane is more about gossiping, speaking ill of people, etc.  What does this article say?  "The Bible is hazy on vulgarity..."


...and since you all know about my life in a band...

Happy Fishing!

--Red

Searching for the Sabbath

     Over Memorial Day weekend, I went to a long time friend's house for a barbecue. I like meeting new people and these kind of functions are great places to do just that. I figure "Hey, this person is my friend; they must have other cool friends...". Okay, all self-admiration aside, it is a good assumption that you'll meet people at a friend's party you'd have something in common with.

     My friend has this huge Bartlett Pear tree in his backyard. It's so big, I mistook it for an Oak. So I'm sitting under this tree, there is a nice breeze, meat is cooking, and I look at the person next to me, whom I didn't know and said, "I could do just this all day.". He laughed and said, "Yeah, it's nice.". "No, I mean I just want to do this all this time...". We then exchanged jokes about how hard it would be to pay our bills, etc, if we just sat around and had beer and barbecue under a tree all day and didn't work...

     ...but I wasn't completely kidding...

     I was going to originally title this post "BBQ and Beer," but I think what's going on here is a little more than just wanting to rock and roll all night and party everyday (okay try, to tell me you aren't know hearing the band KISS in your head...). What I think I'm in need of is some serious rest.  I have finally blown a mental and emotional "gasket" from the enormous amount of simultaneous occupations and hobbies I've been a part of with no break for any longer than the span of a 5-day vacation.  Oh, and trust me, those weren't full breaks either due to the invention of the smart phone.

     So, I get these daily devotionals from Pastor Rick Warren based on his Purpose Driven Life book.  I remembered getting one on resting a few months ago.  Pastor Warren said, "The most common cause of discouragement is physical and emotional exhaustion. Things look worse when you're tired...When you're tired, you lose your confidence. It's that simple...The remedy for physical and emotional exhaustion — and the confidence drain it can be — is rest! Psalm 127:2 says, "God wants His loved ones to get their proper rest" (TLB). Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to sleep. It's amazing how much better things look after you've had a good night's sleep.You'll never be at your best if you're not getting rest."

     Food for thought there.  It's definitely why I don't feel I'm at my best now.  I feel like there is this huge wall between me and my creativity because I'm simply tapped out. While I was thinking about what Pastor Warren had said, my mind started to wander and possible get paranoid due to the exhaustion I was feeling "Wait!" I thought, "Am I missing a Commandment here?  Being a Christian, aren't I supposed to remember the Sabbath and keep in holy because God made the Earth in six days and rested on the seventh or something like that?"

Uh-oh...

     I started reading everything I could on the Sabbath and the Ten Commandments.  There is quite a lot of differing opinions out there, and all of them claim biblical relevance.  It's hard to know what to believe.  We were actually talking about this in my Sunday School class one Sunday.  We remembered how when we were kids we typically did nothing on Sunday afternoons but nap.  We also remembered how stores weren't open.  If you needed it, you had to get it on Saturday.  Now we could only name a handful or retail establishments that participated in that practice and lamented that we could not get a chicken biscuit from Chik-Fil-A on Sundays.

     What I eventually found was that for Christians, and let me clarify this is a general consensus and not what all believe, that we worship, and potentially rest, on Sunday as that's the day Christ rose from the dead.  Now the "rest" part is where it gets tricky.  While we've tried to go for keeping the Sabbath day holy and resting on Sunday, the actual rest is the rest found in the "Lord of The Sabbath" which is Jesus Christ.  We do not have to have a specified day of rest because now our whole spiritual life rests in Jesus Christ.  There is no more Commandment Sabbath rest.  No work to be done the other six days of the week to give atonement for sin to God.  Only a Commandment to trust in Jesus.  Took me awhile to wrap my head around that quite honestly (and if you're head is reeling, too, you can read about the Sabbath here.  This was just one of the many informational Internet sites upon which I came!). 

     So, here I am trying to make sense of it all, and getting more decidedly wasted tired in the process.  Maybe I'm trying to find some sort of permission to simply do nothing.  I mean, well, as a kid I wasn't allowed to just sit around.  If  chores were done I'd better not claim any "boredom" or" my parents would step in and give me something to do. Keep going; keep doing.  If you don't, you're seen as lazy or worthless. Our society is just so busy, you know?  You snooze you lose" is a saying that comes to mind...so much to do, so many people wanting something from you...I'm not even sure where I am trying to go with all this now really...All I know is I'm overwhelmed with fatigue and I know how I got here I just in some twisted way feel I need to know it's okay sometimes to not do anything.  I need to know that I won't suffer from some kind of societal ostracising if I stop for one moment to avoid the burnout I'm either experiencing or to which I have a one-way ticket...

    ...Wait!...Matthew 11:28...".Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Got it.  I give in.  You take everything, Lord...I'm gonna sit here in my recliner and watch a marathon of "Pawn Stars...." 

     Hey, it may not be the completely ideal Sabbath rest, or maybe it is, but He knows I need it and I should listen to Him more often.  After all, I can't swim out into the ocean to grab the starfish if I'm passed out on the beach.

Happy Fishing!

- Red