A recent incident with an acquaintance brought me to a stark revelation: I am deathly afraid of criticism...
...Wow...didn't think of that before I uploaded that XFactor video audition...
Anyone who drives will tell you that they don't like speed bumps. Neighborhoods will lobby to have them put in for the safety of their children, but will still harbor a loathing in their hearts for them. The reason is twofold; first, they stop your most likely hurried progress forward in a big way, and second, you have to take them at such a slow, gingerly albeit painstaking pace just to get you and your car over them unscathed.
Welcome to my speed bump.
I can honestly say I've gotten better about it over the years, but that icky feeling of possible judgement always seems to be lurking. If I'm going to get anywhere with this whole Starfish grabbing stuff, I've got to get over this...fast!
So I'm left with the question do I treat this like a speed bump, and go over it slowly until I can get back to my normal pace or do I treat it like a band aid and just rip it off with a momentary intense pain but I can be okay in like five minutes? Can you do that with something so deep seeded?
Have you seen the end of the movie 8 Mile? Rabbit, portrayed by Eminem, decides in order to win the rap battle and get over the fear of "choking" and being laughed at, criticized if you will, for it, he has to do something drastic. Rap battles are a lot like "your mama's so fat..." contests. Who can throw the best insults at the other people using the most prolific rhymes.
Rabbit has heard all his life that he won't amount to anything and that what he wants is sincerely out of his league. I particularly liked the ending of 8 Mile because I've felt the same way. From the time I was probably around twelve years old I heard from my mother how I would never sing as good as, be as pretty as, be as smart as, or be anything like my mother. Apparently, she either thought a lot of herself, or was just trying to cover up her fear of being criticized by making someone else feel bad about themselves. Classic profile of a bully...and I was bullied a lot...
So back to speed bumps or band aids. Given the rich emotional tapestry that has been my life, one would think I would need to take the caution, slow down way to get over this...
I cant help thinking though that there was a reason Eminem's character was nick named Rabbit and it wasn't just because as a kid he was cute. I suspect it had something to do with being quick as well. Getting over his fear, and winning the battle, had to do with owning who he was. He had to say it before they did...
Time to rip off the band aid...
I am a dork. I am goofy, sometimes too cheerful, and can be utterly obnoxious. I can make jokes that fall flat and be unflatteringly loud. I am often times really tired and boring. I am slightly overweight and have forgotten how to dress fashionably. I don't know what I am doing most of the time and should think before I speak. I am not the best at most things and have been mediocre at a great many. I sometimes sing flat and have problem finding pitch. I may not write about anything you care about, think is clever, or remotely ever make you believe I was an English major...
...and after seeing it all written in front of me, I am a lot less afraid of criticism...and it only hurt for a moment.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
Red Leigh Cooper
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Watch Your Step!
One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind. Words worthy for sure of a moon landing...but...um...did you hear that these words were actually flubbed?
Neil Armstrong actually meant to say, "One small step for a man" and not just for all of man. Big meaning difference! The "a" was unheard because of the static and instead of conveying how even the smallest step in one's progress can lead to something momentous, it was accidentally conveyed that a seemingly small action by the human race was actually momentous one.
Both meanings could actually be true for me...or I could just be "stepping" in "it." I don't think I need to describe to you what "it" is...
I guess though I should tell you what the small step was. I tried out of X Factor. Yup. Me. I did it. I uploaded a video audition shortly before they closed on New Year's Eve. I bought a web cam, came home from work, re-did my makeup and hair, changed my clothes, hung up a sheet for "plain" background, re-shot the thing three times because my voice kept fuzzing out the mic, and did it.
I had friends try out last season. Actually go through the pre-X Factor judge cattle call screening with producers. I honestly didn't get hopeful reports back from the scene. I wasn't sure I would ever try out. I thought about the possibility alot. So, when I got the "tweet" saying the video auditions were open for next seasons competition, something kept nagging at me...
I did it. No big fanfare. Just one small step. A producer may or may not call or email.
The strange thing is no matter what happens, I'm okay with it...
The week before I uploaded my audition, it consumed my every thought. I practiced my song over and over and planned when my schedule would actually allow for me to shoot the video. I literally could not think of anything else. A funny thing happened though after I uploaded the video. It's like my mind suddenly cleared. I was able to actually identify what I feel my ultimate path is in life. What it was I've been aiming for this whole time. The starfish floating out there in the ocean is clearer and able to be seen with the naked eye.
I'll give you a hint; it's not performing on X-Factor...
While that may be a "handy" step up the ladder, and what singer would turn down a five million dollar record contract (I'll tell you right now, not me), singing on XFactor, in it's plainest sense, is not the parking lot at the end of the jogging trail.
So in taking that step, greater possibility and insight were opened up to me. One small step for a man, one giant leap...
Wait...what if I really just "stumbled" on to something instead of taking an actual step. If you think about it, picture it in your mind, it's all really some kind of momentum forward isn't it?
I have friends that visit from out of town every year for a music festival. One of the outdoor venues had a particularly sketchy part of the sidewalk just past one of the bars. We stood in that location most of the evening telling people "Watch your step!" Some people thanked us and then they tripped anyway. Everyone who was warned went down the path anyway, many tripped. No need for medical assistance though. They just went about their way. They were all okay.
No matter what happens, so am I. I needed to take that step to stumble upon a deeper understanding of the starfish I am looking for. There are two thousand variety of starfish you know...
...One small step for a man, one giant, glorious stumble for me.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
Neil Armstrong actually meant to say, "One small step for a man" and not just for all of man. Big meaning difference! The "a" was unheard because of the static and instead of conveying how even the smallest step in one's progress can lead to something momentous, it was accidentally conveyed that a seemingly small action by the human race was actually momentous one.
Both meanings could actually be true for me...or I could just be "stepping" in "it." I don't think I need to describe to you what "it" is...
I guess though I should tell you what the small step was. I tried out of X Factor. Yup. Me. I did it. I uploaded a video audition shortly before they closed on New Year's Eve. I bought a web cam, came home from work, re-did my makeup and hair, changed my clothes, hung up a sheet for "plain" background, re-shot the thing three times because my voice kept fuzzing out the mic, and did it.
I had friends try out last season. Actually go through the pre-X Factor judge cattle call screening with producers. I honestly didn't get hopeful reports back from the scene. I wasn't sure I would ever try out. I thought about the possibility alot. So, when I got the "tweet" saying the video auditions were open for next seasons competition, something kept nagging at me...
I did it. No big fanfare. Just one small step. A producer may or may not call or email.
The strange thing is no matter what happens, I'm okay with it...
The week before I uploaded my audition, it consumed my every thought. I practiced my song over and over and planned when my schedule would actually allow for me to shoot the video. I literally could not think of anything else. A funny thing happened though after I uploaded the video. It's like my mind suddenly cleared. I was able to actually identify what I feel my ultimate path is in life. What it was I've been aiming for this whole time. The starfish floating out there in the ocean is clearer and able to be seen with the naked eye.
I'll give you a hint; it's not performing on X-Factor...
While that may be a "handy" step up the ladder, and what singer would turn down a five million dollar record contract (I'll tell you right now, not me), singing on XFactor, in it's plainest sense, is not the parking lot at the end of the jogging trail.
So in taking that step, greater possibility and insight were opened up to me. One small step for a man, one giant leap...
Wait...what if I really just "stumbled" on to something instead of taking an actual step. If you think about it, picture it in your mind, it's all really some kind of momentum forward isn't it?
I have friends that visit from out of town every year for a music festival. One of the outdoor venues had a particularly sketchy part of the sidewalk just past one of the bars. We stood in that location most of the evening telling people "Watch your step!" Some people thanked us and then they tripped anyway. Everyone who was warned went down the path anyway, many tripped. No need for medical assistance though. They just went about their way. They were all okay.
No matter what happens, so am I. I needed to take that step to stumble upon a deeper understanding of the starfish I am looking for. There are two thousand variety of starfish you know...
...One small step for a man, one giant, glorious stumble for me.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
Monday, December 26, 2011
Thoughts from the Shower...
So I was in the shower this morning, you know, where I get all my greatest ideas, and I wondered if maybe I was concentrating too much on what I'm not doing. Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit for what I am doing.
This is the time of year when we make "New Year's Resolutions." A list of things that we will strive to do in the New Year. This in essence is a good idea, gives us goals for our lives, right? I wonder though if we aren't just setting ourselves up for failure. If you think about it, what you are really saying is, "I wasn't really good at doing (blank) this year, so I am making a promise to do it in the next year."
Some where around 97% of New Year's Resolutions won't be kept...
I think it's time to talk about "goals" for our shared "fishing expedition." The reason resolutions often times don't work is that we don't know how to set goals for what we accomplish. One of the most popular resolutions is "I am going to work out everyday." Nice thought. The gym is packed in January, but by mid-February to March, if you are someone that goes to the gym a lot, you can see the drop off of resolutions being kept. Life gets in the way sometimes. Health, work, kids, etc; we can't always make it to the gym. We get frustrated and give up, where as, maybe if the resolution was, "I am going to work out one to three times a week," we might make our goal and maybe even exceed it some weeks.
We need to measure our progress in smaller intervals and not focus on these large, unattainable resolutions. We need to feel that we can eventually keep moving forward even if we find ourselves stopped dead in our tracks for a few days or weeks.
So, back to my shower...Much of this blog has been trying to find my way to the purpose for my life, but also much of this blog has focused on maybe what I'm not doing. While I may realize what I need to do to get back on the path, I'm not focusing on the productive things I have done...
...Like actually starting a blog...
No...I don't have a book...but I do have a blog. I also do have a book started. I've been singing more this year in addition to, everyone's favorite resolutions, working out. My voice and my body are not in the best shape possible, but I am seeing improvement.
There is a link going around Facebook that I even found emailed to me by my friend Beth. It's a link to a blog entitled "30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself." If you'd like to read it, you can right here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ . The blog starts out, "As Maria Robinson once said, 'Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.'" My point today exactly.
None of us really need New Year's Resolutions to start seeking out and acting on the plan for your lives. What's that Nike shoe slogan? "Just Do It!" Remember though that doing it requires a process of tiny attainable goals giving us more success and less frustration on our way to finding the ultimate and most exquisite "Starfish" possible...
...New Year's Resolution: shower more...
...Apparently that's where most of my positive thoughts come from...
Happy New Year and Fishing!
--Red
This is the time of year when we make "New Year's Resolutions." A list of things that we will strive to do in the New Year. This in essence is a good idea, gives us goals for our lives, right? I wonder though if we aren't just setting ourselves up for failure. If you think about it, what you are really saying is, "I wasn't really good at doing (blank) this year, so I am making a promise to do it in the next year."
Some where around 97% of New Year's Resolutions won't be kept...
I think it's time to talk about "goals" for our shared "fishing expedition." The reason resolutions often times don't work is that we don't know how to set goals for what we accomplish. One of the most popular resolutions is "I am going to work out everyday." Nice thought. The gym is packed in January, but by mid-February to March, if you are someone that goes to the gym a lot, you can see the drop off of resolutions being kept. Life gets in the way sometimes. Health, work, kids, etc; we can't always make it to the gym. We get frustrated and give up, where as, maybe if the resolution was, "I am going to work out one to three times a week," we might make our goal and maybe even exceed it some weeks.
We need to measure our progress in smaller intervals and not focus on these large, unattainable resolutions. We need to feel that we can eventually keep moving forward even if we find ourselves stopped dead in our tracks for a few days or weeks.
So, back to my shower...Much of this blog has been trying to find my way to the purpose for my life, but also much of this blog has focused on maybe what I'm not doing. While I may realize what I need to do to get back on the path, I'm not focusing on the productive things I have done...
...Like actually starting a blog...
No...I don't have a book...but I do have a blog. I also do have a book started. I've been singing more this year in addition to, everyone's favorite resolutions, working out. My voice and my body are not in the best shape possible, but I am seeing improvement.
There is a link going around Facebook that I even found emailed to me by my friend Beth. It's a link to a blog entitled "30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself." If you'd like to read it, you can right here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ . The blog starts out, "As Maria Robinson once said, 'Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.'" My point today exactly.
None of us really need New Year's Resolutions to start seeking out and acting on the plan for your lives. What's that Nike shoe slogan? "Just Do It!" Remember though that doing it requires a process of tiny attainable goals giving us more success and less frustration on our way to finding the ultimate and most exquisite "Starfish" possible...
...New Year's Resolution: shower more...
...Apparently that's where most of my positive thoughts come from...
Happy New Year and Fishing!
--Red
Monday, December 5, 2011
Focusing on the task at hand...
I haven't written anything since October. So much for putting one foot in front of the other or discovering my passion.
It's not that I haven't been thinking about the purpose for my life or taking little steps to accomplish my goal. I have...
The problem is something entirely different.
I think the doctors missed an opportunity for diagnosis when telling my parents my brother had hyperactivity. I often times wonder, since coming from the same gene pool if I don't have a dose of that myself. I have an extreme inability to concentrate. Watch out if a butterfly goes by or I see something shiny...I'm gone!
I'm amazed I got this far in life...truly... I don't know how I passed college or hold down a job. Well, okay...I actually do know how I hold down a job. I take little "brain breaks" as I call them. If I find myself unable to focus, I look at Facebook for like a minute or two, and then my mind is clear enough to go back to whatever the task is at hand. On one particularly hard day, I noticed I commented on a friend's status once every hour. Somehow it works for me. It's kind of like how I get all my best ideas in the shower. I'm not thinking about anything. My brain works way too fast some times for my own good. Which could lead me tot he next problem with my focus....
I really want to do a lot of things. I'm into and good at a lot of things. It's hard to start on one thing because I want to be doing something else I like just as much. There just isn't enough time in the day for everything I want to do. My friend Karah does tons of stuff. I always tease her because I don't think she sleeps. Deep down I probably sort of envy her energy and lack of sleep. I can't do that. I'm a eight to nine hour a night kind of person.
So I guess that means I have to choose. This has probably been the problem all along. Get rid of the things that I am not as passionate about as others so I have the time to focus on those few things I really should be spending my time on and excelling at. Then when hyperactivity strikes, I guess there are still my Facebook "brain breaks." Now the questions is how do I harness the fleeting thoughts and action items that just come to me randomly when I'm in the shower, sitting in church, hanging out with friends, etc, without always toting around a notebook...wait...Facebook...I got it...
....There's an app for that...
Happy Fishing!
--Red
PS - Most of this blog was done using the Blogger app for iphone.
It's not that I haven't been thinking about the purpose for my life or taking little steps to accomplish my goal. I have...
The problem is something entirely different.
I think the doctors missed an opportunity for diagnosis when telling my parents my brother had hyperactivity. I often times wonder, since coming from the same gene pool if I don't have a dose of that myself. I have an extreme inability to concentrate. Watch out if a butterfly goes by or I see something shiny...I'm gone!
I'm amazed I got this far in life...truly... I don't know how I passed college or hold down a job. Well, okay...I actually do know how I hold down a job. I take little "brain breaks" as I call them. If I find myself unable to focus, I look at Facebook for like a minute or two, and then my mind is clear enough to go back to whatever the task is at hand. On one particularly hard day, I noticed I commented on a friend's status once every hour. Somehow it works for me. It's kind of like how I get all my best ideas in the shower. I'm not thinking about anything. My brain works way too fast some times for my own good. Which could lead me tot he next problem with my focus....
I really want to do a lot of things. I'm into and good at a lot of things. It's hard to start on one thing because I want to be doing something else I like just as much. There just isn't enough time in the day for everything I want to do. My friend Karah does tons of stuff. I always tease her because I don't think she sleeps. Deep down I probably sort of envy her energy and lack of sleep. I can't do that. I'm a eight to nine hour a night kind of person.
So I guess that means I have to choose. This has probably been the problem all along. Get rid of the things that I am not as passionate about as others so I have the time to focus on those few things I really should be spending my time on and excelling at. Then when hyperactivity strikes, I guess there are still my Facebook "brain breaks." Now the questions is how do I harness the fleeting thoughts and action items that just come to me randomly when I'm in the shower, sitting in church, hanging out with friends, etc, without always toting around a notebook...wait...Facebook...I got it...
....There's an app for that...
Happy Fishing!
--Red
PS - Most of this blog was done using the Blogger app for iphone.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Stopped "Dead" in My tracks
I've been busy putting one foot in front of the other. You should see the mounds of miscellaneous stuff I got rid of from the piles I talked about last time. However, recently I have stopped right in the middle of the path and can't seem to get any forward momentum. I am standing on the shore and looking for the sharks in the water again.
I attended a session with a life coach back in April. She said that one of the ways to find out what you are supposed to be doing with your life is to review what other people constantly ask you to do. I was sharing this with a group of people, when my friend, Beth says, "But what if I don't want to be a caretaker?" Good point. The people around her were seeing a special quality in her that were leading them to ask her to do something she wasn't particularly passionate about. I think there are situations in our lives that just because we can do something doesn't mean we necessarily should do it. That's interesting thought...
I watch X-Factor. Mostly because I am a singer. Secondly because I almost tried out this year. I knew my vocals weren't strong enough, and frankly, neither was my back, so I decided to skip this year. The talent is monsterous. Big, big voices. Chistina Aguilara, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston voices. Good thing I stayed home. I'm not saying I'm not talented. I'm saying I'm not talented that way. I have a very unique voice and style and that is definitely not it. These contestants also have a tireless passion for their singing that frankly makes me want to take a nap. There's that word again: "passion."
I have a feeling my friend Beth also likes to induldge in a bit of reality TV, like I do. Recently she was talking about the "passion" of the people participating in Project Runway, wishing she too could have that kind of passion about somthing. So, here we are, back to what may be the core ingredient for "star-fishing." I can't help but wonder if this is why I have been stopped "dead" in my tracks? Am I lacking the drive necessary to continue? How do you muster passion when at the end of the day, when all you may want to do is crash (a thought I must attribute to my friend, Dianne)?
Awhile back I talked about the ability to say "No" to things. It's alot about knowing who you are and what you've said "yes" in your life to. Isn't it though maybe just as much about who you aren't? I'm a singer, but I honestly do not have a big X-Factor voice. Beth may be a caretaker, but not in the way that people are asking her to be. Just because we can doesn't mean we necessarily should, but it may lead us to understand, if we think about it awhile, what we should be doing. I think once we know that, finding that will to keep going will be the easy part.
Before going deep sea fishing, it would help to be a good swimmer. Be sure of who you are, who you aren't, and that you'll have the "life vest" to keep you afloat.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
I attended a session with a life coach back in April. She said that one of the ways to find out what you are supposed to be doing with your life is to review what other people constantly ask you to do. I was sharing this with a group of people, when my friend, Beth says, "But what if I don't want to be a caretaker?" Good point. The people around her were seeing a special quality in her that were leading them to ask her to do something she wasn't particularly passionate about. I think there are situations in our lives that just because we can do something doesn't mean we necessarily should do it. That's interesting thought...
I watch X-Factor. Mostly because I am a singer. Secondly because I almost tried out this year. I knew my vocals weren't strong enough, and frankly, neither was my back, so I decided to skip this year. The talent is monsterous. Big, big voices. Chistina Aguilara, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston voices. Good thing I stayed home. I'm not saying I'm not talented. I'm saying I'm not talented that way. I have a very unique voice and style and that is definitely not it. These contestants also have a tireless passion for their singing that frankly makes me want to take a nap. There's that word again: "passion."
I have a feeling my friend Beth also likes to induldge in a bit of reality TV, like I do. Recently she was talking about the "passion" of the people participating in Project Runway, wishing she too could have that kind of passion about somthing. So, here we are, back to what may be the core ingredient for "star-fishing." I can't help but wonder if this is why I have been stopped "dead" in my tracks? Am I lacking the drive necessary to continue? How do you muster passion when at the end of the day, when all you may want to do is crash (a thought I must attribute to my friend, Dianne)?
Awhile back I talked about the ability to say "No" to things. It's alot about knowing who you are and what you've said "yes" in your life to. Isn't it though maybe just as much about who you aren't? I'm a singer, but I honestly do not have a big X-Factor voice. Beth may be a caretaker, but not in the way that people are asking her to be. Just because we can doesn't mean we necessarily should, but it may lead us to understand, if we think about it awhile, what we should be doing. I think once we know that, finding that will to keep going will be the easy part.
Before going deep sea fishing, it would help to be a good swimmer. Be sure of who you are, who you aren't, and that you'll have the "life vest" to keep you afloat.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Put One Foot In Front of The Other
So when I wasn't reading Shakespeare, I was watching Christmas Rankin and Bass animated specials. This blog's title particular reference comes from "Santa Claus is Coming To Town." For those of you unfamiliar, watch here before reading http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9jeh4mA5us&feature=related.
I'm reminded of this song as I try to start on the things I should be doing in the spirit of "grabbing the starfish." It's been a bumpy road. I'm still recovering from the back issues I had back in July, and some nights it's hard enough to get out of a chair, much less write in a blog, sing, etc.
Sometimes I get sidelined by all the "have to's" in life. When I talk about sidelined, I mean that in a very huge way. I would say, without a Doctor's opinion, you know, other than Dr. Drew and what I see in my millions of hours of reality T.V. watching, that I am a bit Obsessive Compulsive. Not to the point where I can't get out of the house for two hours because of all the rituals I have to perform or anything, but there are definitely parts of my personality that point in this direction.
There are piles of "stuff" all over my house. Small piles, but piles nonetheless. Things I need to go through, file, possible throw away. These piles are not always visible. They aren't just on top of the stereo or table, but they exist in the filing cabinet, in the closet, and in the guest bedroom. In my head somehow these piles carry a sense of urgency. The sense they need to be dealt with before I can think that I have free time to pursue the things I really should be doing with my life.
Yet the piles are still there....
That's what made me think of the song. This view of my very small little world may have made me sit longer in the chair than I actually needed to heal my back. It's all very overwhelming. All the things I've let go undone. So, then additionally when I'm overwhelmed I have the tendency to do...well...nothing. I have to stop looking at the piles as it all has to be done right now in one fell swoop. I need to stop thinking of "grabbing the starfish" and something that happens right away all at once, with no regards for the steps that need to come before...
Hhhhmmm...the steps...
"Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door
You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat
If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand"
The blog is noticably shorter. I'll also be signing up for some voice lessons soon. No need to overwhelm myself...just need to start something....
They may be small steps, but at least I am walking. Now which pile do I go through first...
Happy Fishing!
--Red
I'm reminded of this song as I try to start on the things I should be doing in the spirit of "grabbing the starfish." It's been a bumpy road. I'm still recovering from the back issues I had back in July, and some nights it's hard enough to get out of a chair, much less write in a blog, sing, etc.
Sometimes I get sidelined by all the "have to's" in life. When I talk about sidelined, I mean that in a very huge way. I would say, without a Doctor's opinion, you know, other than Dr. Drew and what I see in my millions of hours of reality T.V. watching, that I am a bit Obsessive Compulsive. Not to the point where I can't get out of the house for two hours because of all the rituals I have to perform or anything, but there are definitely parts of my personality that point in this direction.
There are piles of "stuff" all over my house. Small piles, but piles nonetheless. Things I need to go through, file, possible throw away. These piles are not always visible. They aren't just on top of the stereo or table, but they exist in the filing cabinet, in the closet, and in the guest bedroom. In my head somehow these piles carry a sense of urgency. The sense they need to be dealt with before I can think that I have free time to pursue the things I really should be doing with my life.
Yet the piles are still there....
That's what made me think of the song. This view of my very small little world may have made me sit longer in the chair than I actually needed to heal my back. It's all very overwhelming. All the things I've let go undone. So, then additionally when I'm overwhelmed I have the tendency to do...well...nothing. I have to stop looking at the piles as it all has to be done right now in one fell swoop. I need to stop thinking of "grabbing the starfish" and something that happens right away all at once, with no regards for the steps that need to come before...
Hhhhmmm...the steps...
"Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door
You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat
If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand"
The blog is noticably shorter. I'll also be signing up for some voice lessons soon. No need to overwhelm myself...just need to start something....
They may be small steps, but at least I am walking. Now which pile do I go through first...
Happy Fishing!
--Red
Sunday, September 11, 2011
To Be or Not To Be
To be or not be...that certainly is a good question...
I mentioned before that I read a lot of Shakespeare as a kid...I'm surprised more of my blogs don't start out this way. When starting his "to be or not be" soliloquy, Hamlet is going through an inner struggle. Does he display courage meaning avenge his father's death or does he just live with what happened? He also wonders whether it's better to live or, shall we say, "sleep." The kind of "sleep" that is final and ends "the heartache and the thousand natural shocks."
I'm not so sure that the daily struggles you or I go through are always that dramatic, but don't we ask that question every day essentially? To be or not to be?
I made reference in my last blog to the fact that I had to make a lot of decisions about my life. One of them involved decisions about my career path. There are things I really love about accounting, and, as my friends will point out to you, it has nothing to do with math. I love puzzles. I feel accomplished when I find issues in a spreadsheet or with a report. I also love improving communication between different departments and accounting. When you can explain to your "internal customers" what's going on and how things in that particular organization work, everyone is more amicable and better able to work together to avoid internal bottlenecks.
So, I do understand what I want as far as my career goals go within accounting and operations. Unfortunately, I've had positions that have taken me so far off the course due to reductions in force, that I was getting stressed by the situation. I felt that my career plans were dying. My career paths coming to a dead end. Add onto that long, and somewhat unnecessary, hours, well, I had to ask, "to be or not to be..." That was the question.
Don't get me wrong when I talk about the hours. I like to work hard. I want to be busy from the time I get there until I leave. I am absolutely thrilled by deadlines. However, I was finding that I would actually feel guilty leaving at 5:15 p.m., even if I arrived at the office before anyone else and many times worked through lunch if others were still working. Even if I found a way to work, as the saying goes, "smart," by improving processes in order to be more efficient, I felt that anything less than 10 hours a day is an indication of laziness.
"To be or not to be..."
It's hard to ask that question. You start to wonder if maybe you are lazy. You start to feel that maybe you aren't good enough to do the things you want to do with your career when you keep getting pushed back to the beginning. I will say that self-assessment when you get to this point is better than just giving into low self-esteem. If you saw yourself in this or any of the last two paragraphs, I urge you to really take some time for yourself and not to let a hospital visit, like I talked about in the last blog, force you take that time.
I was watching "Tomato," another NOOMA video from Rob Bell. He said something that really struck a chord with me. "We pick up from young age, from the world around us, we pick up that it's about winning. It's about impressing. We pick up that our worth and our value and our significance came from how good we are, how smart we are, how skilled, how better, how competent..."
Wow...where do I start processing that statement. I see now why those long hours at work seemed so important. Those I felt I needed to impress operated on a value system so far and different from mine it's no wonder I was stressed. I definitely needed to, and do now, take greater responsibility for my own self-worth, which eventually lead me to think, if this is the way of the world, why not go for a position that does fit within my value system? Somewhere that values my particular skills and competency? An environment that isn't counting the hours, but recognizing the talent and the skills I have necessary to make significant contributions?
Grabbing the proverbial starfish depends on your ability to see yourself as good enough, smart enough, skilled enough and competent enough. What can you do? What skills do you have? How do you put those to work? Wait...I've got it...
"...What will I be, and what will I not be." Now that's the question.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
I mentioned before that I read a lot of Shakespeare as a kid...I'm surprised more of my blogs don't start out this way. When starting his "to be or not be" soliloquy, Hamlet is going through an inner struggle. Does he display courage meaning avenge his father's death or does he just live with what happened? He also wonders whether it's better to live or, shall we say, "sleep." The kind of "sleep" that is final and ends "the heartache and the thousand natural shocks."
I'm not so sure that the daily struggles you or I go through are always that dramatic, but don't we ask that question every day essentially? To be or not to be?
I made reference in my last blog to the fact that I had to make a lot of decisions about my life. One of them involved decisions about my career path. There are things I really love about accounting, and, as my friends will point out to you, it has nothing to do with math. I love puzzles. I feel accomplished when I find issues in a spreadsheet or with a report. I also love improving communication between different departments and accounting. When you can explain to your "internal customers" what's going on and how things in that particular organization work, everyone is more amicable and better able to work together to avoid internal bottlenecks.
So, I do understand what I want as far as my career goals go within accounting and operations. Unfortunately, I've had positions that have taken me so far off the course due to reductions in force, that I was getting stressed by the situation. I felt that my career plans were dying. My career paths coming to a dead end. Add onto that long, and somewhat unnecessary, hours, well, I had to ask, "to be or not to be..." That was the question.
Don't get me wrong when I talk about the hours. I like to work hard. I want to be busy from the time I get there until I leave. I am absolutely thrilled by deadlines. However, I was finding that I would actually feel guilty leaving at 5:15 p.m., even if I arrived at the office before anyone else and many times worked through lunch if others were still working. Even if I found a way to work, as the saying goes, "smart," by improving processes in order to be more efficient, I felt that anything less than 10 hours a day is an indication of laziness.
"To be or not to be..."
It's hard to ask that question. You start to wonder if maybe you are lazy. You start to feel that maybe you aren't good enough to do the things you want to do with your career when you keep getting pushed back to the beginning. I will say that self-assessment when you get to this point is better than just giving into low self-esteem. If you saw yourself in this or any of the last two paragraphs, I urge you to really take some time for yourself and not to let a hospital visit, like I talked about in the last blog, force you take that time.
I was watching "Tomato," another NOOMA video from Rob Bell. He said something that really struck a chord with me. "We pick up from young age, from the world around us, we pick up that it's about winning. It's about impressing. We pick up that our worth and our value and our significance came from how good we are, how smart we are, how skilled, how better, how competent..."
Wow...where do I start processing that statement. I see now why those long hours at work seemed so important. Those I felt I needed to impress operated on a value system so far and different from mine it's no wonder I was stressed. I definitely needed to, and do now, take greater responsibility for my own self-worth, which eventually lead me to think, if this is the way of the world, why not go for a position that does fit within my value system? Somewhere that values my particular skills and competency? An environment that isn't counting the hours, but recognizing the talent and the skills I have necessary to make significant contributions?
Grabbing the proverbial starfish depends on your ability to see yourself as good enough, smart enough, skilled enough and competent enough. What can you do? What skills do you have? How do you put those to work? Wait...I've got it...
"...What will I be, and what will I not be." Now that's the question.
Happy Fishing!
--Red
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