You can take the donkey or you can take the tram...

    I love comedian Ron White.  He told this story in his "You Can't Fix Stupid" comedy tour:

    "So we make it to Santorini, and Santorini is on the rim of an ancient volcano. And for 2000 years, folks, the only way to get to the top of the rim on the port side of the island was to take a donkey 800 feet up these switchbacks, takes forever. Until 5 years ago, somebody installed a tram that does the same thing in 18 seconds. And I was shocked to see the donkey guy still in business because he had the worst sales pitch I had ever heard in my life. He says, "You can take the donkey to the top of the rim, or you can take the tram. It is the same price." That would be my biggest secret if I were you, buddy. I'd be lying to people as soon as they got off the ship. "The donkey is $3.50. The tram is about 2800 Euro."

    What I didn't realize, and probably Ron didn't realize, is this is a great analogy for facing whatever the thing is you need to do with your life, considering that is "the top of the rim..."

     I credit my husband, Eric, for bringing this to my attention.  Remember, I've been studying John Ortberg's The Me I Want to Be, and I was talking about how the study ended.  Otberg talks about finding your "mountain" or your challenge in life.  I guess the "mountain" is very much like the "starfish," and everyone has their metaphor, so you get the point.  It's what happens when I get to the "mountain," "starfish," or what have you, that made Eric spout off this particular Ron White quote...

    ...I quite nearly curl up in the fetal position with overwhelmedness (I don't even know if that's a real word, but describes the situation quote perfectly).

     I get to the "mountain," "starfish," again, what have you, and I just can't take another step towards it.  I talked a little bit before about feeling overwhelmed before (see "Put One Foot in Front of The Other," October 5, 2011), and now that it seems I really understand what that Starfish is bobbing in the water - or the "mountain" or what have you - the feeling of moving forward is getting well...overwhelming...

     The mountain looming above my head is huge... unfortunately I feel like I'm on the donkey.  There is so much to do and it will take so long to do it...and where in the heck is that freaking tram!  How can the tram and the donkey be the same price!?!  Ron's right; worst sales pitch ever!

    ...Or was it?

    Have you ever seen Santorini, Greece?

     And here's a donkey...

       But I digress...

       Look back at the first picture!  Gorgeous!  I encourage you to Google "Santorini" and really look at the pictures.  Absolutely stunning.  Why would I want to take the tram and miss all the beauty along the way...

       ...welcome to my new metaphor...

      If I don't take the "donkey" I'm going to miss the experience of going up to the "the top of the rim."  I won't absorb all of the beauty of the creation.  If I take the "tram" the experience will be fast and ultimately not as satisfying on some levels. The "donkey" and the "tram" are the same price.  You get there whether you dive fully into creation or cut corners just to get it over with, but shouldn't your "rim," "mountain," "starfish,' or what have you, be something you take your time with, enjoy the journey with, and put your soul into? Something of which you aren't racing to get to the end?  Something that shouldn't make you feel overwhelmed because it isn't stronger than you; it is you...

     I still remember standing in the kitchen telling Eric about the concept of the "mountain" and my reluctance to go up it.  He turns to me and says, "You can take the tram, or you can take the donkey; it is the same price."  Maybe Ron White didn't realize his routine would become a great analogy, but my husband did. 

    The Lenten season for Christians is upon  us.  Lent is more than giving up something you love like chocolate, coffee, or cheese for forty days and then go right back to consumption.  Lent is a season of soul-searching, reflection and taking stock.  I try to give up what I would consider a "bad habit" of sorts.  Something that at the end of forty days, could really change my life...

     ...For the next forty days, and just maybe from now on, I'm taking the donkey.

Happy Fishing!

--Red

Silly love songs...

     "Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs...and what's wrong with that?" - Paul McCartney

     Nothing...if you can write them!

     I can't write love songs.  It actually says more about me than you may guess.  I can write songs about pain, anger, despair, longing, you name it.  I can't write love songs.  The urge doesn't even occur to me.

    I wrote one once...sort of.  On my previous band's first CD there was this kind of bluesy rocky song called "My Only Friend."  It's about my husband, but it's not mushy, or I guess for the purposes of this blog, silly, in the least.  It's actually somewhat wistful.  I mean, just look at the title; my only friend?!?! What was I..a member of The Smiths (please tell me everyone reading gets that reference)?  Sigh...I guess it's truly a problem.  Not just in my songwriting life, but my personal one as well.

    The reason I can write songs about things like pain and anger is because ultimately I am much more in touch with these emotions than I am with the unbridled joy that is love.  On the same CD's title track, "I Just Might," I actually make a reference to not understanding how unconditional love can exist.  Wow...troubled much?

     I shouldn't be surprised.  My Mother raised us to tell her "I love you" even if we didn't feel like it.  "Love" was about a show for the neighbors and not about truly feeling anything.  I should probably take this moment to inform you that my mother was a huge fan of Joan Crawford's parenting skills and idolized Hitler.  I should also let you know that last sentence wasn't sarcasm.  Unfortunately, this pattern emerged in my social life.  I can toss around the words "I love you" very easily...as long as I don't mean it.   When you think about it, a little girl ultimately loves their Mother, forced to or not. When that relationship turns ugly for whatever reason the fear grows that all love is that way.  The sheer abandonment issues are crippling.  Why would I have ever understood or have been expected to understand love?  I'm not cold or hard; just severely lacking in appropriate expression.  Trust me; I feel.  I feel deeply.

     Talking about coping skills lately (see "What Doesn't Kill You..." January 29, 2012) has led me to think about this area of my life a little more closely.  If  you are going to get to the "starfish," I realize that you may need some help.  You may need to be open to others. You just might have to stop being afraid of putting yourself out there and getting hurt. 

     I'm currently attanding a study of the book The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg.  Ortberg says, “When you are loved, it is not just that you receive more from someone else, but also that you become more yourself.  You-ier.  Love brings the power to become the me I want to be.  Loving people are literally live-givers.  That is connectedness.”  I think the saying goes, "you gotta give love to get love," or something like that.  There is another saying that goes, "if you love something set it free.  If it comes back, it's yours.  If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it!"  Okay; that last sentence did have sarcasm, but you see the problem here. 

     Ortberg goes on to say, "You can be loved best when you are fully known – willing to take off the mask and share your heart.  To be fully known takes courage."  He also has a personality test that shows you may behave, based actually on your strengths, when things don't go your way.  Guess what I do?  C'mon...guess...I withdraw!  I wallow in my despair.  I am in The Smiths (Okay, if you don't get that reference there is Wikipedia .  I never got as sorrowful as to write a song called "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now," but I can completely relate)!

     How weird is it that I'm thinking about all of this on Valentine's Day?  But I digress...

     You can be loved best when you are fully known – willing to take off the mask and share your heart. To be fully known takes courage...I guess that's it.  That's how you do it.  I guess that's what I am doing in a way.  I just have to do it more in front of the family and friends that are close to me instead of a faceless (okay...not totally faceless; my picture is in the "about me" section) blog.  Maybe the blog has become a coping skill.  This is the way I work things out so I can be a better friend, a better member of the community and world as a whole.  I write all the not so desirable things about myself and past events so I can be fully known...That's what I do..I write...

     Don't think that I'm going to go out and start writing love songs.  I may have to take the John Lennon position on that.  I am going to do my best to stop withdrawing and meet love head on.  It won't be easy, but I think I have a greater understanding how unconditional love can exist...oh yeah...someone is selling my band's CD on Ebay.  Go ahead...I don't need it...

Happy Fishing!

--Red

    

   

It matters what's on the outside?

      If you look good you feel good.  I've heard it many times.  I have even attended a seminar all about how to dress for the message, or feeling, you want to convey.  Feeling a little under the weather?  A nice salmon color will make you look like the picture of health apparently...

      My friend Crickette has a huge shoe collection.  I'm not talking the normal woman penchant for shoes...this is a fairly monumental gathering of footwear!  Her collection so much a reflection of who she is that her Facebook page photo is usually a new shoe added to the fold.  She loves her shoes.  Now, Crickette takes a lot of razzing from her friends about her passion, but I am starting to think I understand.  I am also starting to wonder, after attending aforementioned seminar, and knowing what a great dresser she is all around, if she was trying to convey a greater air of happiness than we experienced at a company we both worked at...but I digress...

      I have often said that due to being in a band with guys for so long, being a dog trainer, and working at companies with a relaxed dress code, I have forgotten how to dress.  Jeans, T-Shirt, sneakers.  There you go.  At one time in my life, I was quite the fashion plate.  Now don't get me wrong, in my circles Jeans, T-Shirt, and sneakers can be very fashionable if paired well, but I haven't even been able to do that as of late.  I have realized it has had absolutely nothing to do with being in a band with guys for so long, being a dog trainer, and working at companies with a relaxed dress code.  Looking back I can see a direct correlation to losing my fashion sense and killing off "Red" (see "What Doesn't Kill You..."  - January 29th, 2012).

      If there is going to be a resurrection, the outside will have to reflect the inside...

      My friend Jerol has actually been encouraging my need to accessorize for over a year now.  The emergence from the ashes of "Red" probably started with her and I didn't even know it.  As a teenager, and well into my band years, I was flashy and numerous necklaces, bracelets, and earrings head to toe.  I just didn't have that energy anymore given the circumstances and I definitely didn't want anything to remind me of who I am/was.  So I started small, buying one or two new necklaces and earring combos...

      However, this is my latest addition...

     Look at all the hearts and shininess!  I love hearts and shininess!  Big, long, necklaces full of clunky, heart-y, shininess...

     Quickly, my purchases have turned to shoes.  First boots and now my latest coup!

     More than representative of "Red" don't you think?  There were also a few more pairs in between the boots and these, but you get the idea.


     I'm actually going to stores and trying things on and looking at latest trends to funky vintage items.  I just ordered three pairs of skinny jeans...

     ...and people are starting to notice...

     I went to a Leadership retreat last weekend.  I sat alone at a table in the back.  Might I add at this time that even with an extroverted personality, I sit in the back typically, so this is not a new thing.  I as reading over the agenda for the day, when I heard, "mind if I sit here?"  There stood this person...this gloriously pierced and tattooed person wanting to sit with someone that maybe he felt may be like minded or a good personality match at least.  Okay; maybe he was just a really cool person not wanting anyone to sit alone, but this event was among many other compliments I received during the day from "nice outfit" to "I love your eye makeup" (I am wearing more shimmery shadows these days!).
 
     If you look good you feel good...if I look more like me, do I feel more like me?  You bet...often times the outside is a direct representative of the inside and I am coming to find that premise quite liberating. I also always here the phrase "it matters what's on the inside."  Well, maybe, in this sense, it matters what's on the outside just as much.  I am in no way saying be a "fashionista."  I am also not saying wear things just to be popular or appeal to a certain group of people. What I am saying is wear what makes you happy and is the best representation of who you are.   You may find an extra spring in your step you weren't anticipating.

     In the 1980's John Hughes film "Pretty In Pink" the films main character, Andie, is known for her unique fashion sense.  She overcomes the obstacles life has thrown her way and shops at thrift stores, sometimes sewing her own clothes, just to show her true personality.  Her friend Duckie says, "This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous.."  I realize every time I watch that movie that I once had that same pair of pants...

     ...You go on and buy as many shoes as you want, Crickette...I for one am not judging...they fit your personality wonderfully!


Happy Fishing!

--Red